I was going to write a post to tell everyone to stop worrying about me. . . that i’m fine. But then i started thinking about it and I’m not really that fine. I don’t really know what to say other than I have no idea what to do about my brother situation. Eric is not talking to him either right now, not by choice but because my brother won’t communicate with us. It’s like he totally cut us out. He is going through some really hard stuff right now and for whatever reason wants to do it alone and I am trying to understand but i just end up hurt and miserable. ACK! I hate being a complainer.

Okay on a happier note: my other brother, Christian, turned 12 today! I was in 11th grade when he was born, I remember getting out of school early because my mom went into labor and then Dustin and I just wandered around the hospital all day since we didn’t want to hang out with mom and watch her go through that much pain. When Christian finally arrived, it was very surreal. . . and has been ever since. Because i don’t have kids (and don’t plan to) he is my surrogate child and i brag about him as if he were mine. He’s so stinkin’ smart, I just love the little creep.

Today i started posting pictures onto my facebook account, old pictures and saw all those faces that i miss. My brother, my friends in Omaha, my sister, my friends from college. I never get to tell those people how much they meant to me or how much i love them, so if you are one of the afore mentioned people, please know you are loved.
To Erin, thanks for making me feel so special and that even though you have a gazillion friends I always felt like i was the bestest. I loved being part of your engagement, wedding and birth of Elias. I am so blessed to call you my friend.
To Jess, you are my sister so love me or hate me we are blood for life. thanks for giving me the courage to know that everything will be alright with my brother. thanks for letting me be part of your life and your wedding and i love you so much.
To Leigh, We have lived in the same state for 3 years now and i still never see you. thank you for going after your dreams and helping me realize it is possible. You have been such a blessing in my life.
To Kristyn, You are my sweet pea! I love spending time with you and pretending that Ani Difranco lives in the back of my car. I have so much fun with you, thank you for being my conscience when i need one and for alway being there when i need you. I was so honored to be in your wedding and to have you as my maid of honor. You are so loved.

To Dustin, please call me. . . i love you. I am so sad that we don’t talk right now, so sad. I miss you everyday. You are my rock and i am starting to crumble without you to hold me up. I love you.

To All, I am missing everyone a lot right now. I think it’s that time of year, 7 years since my baby sister went to heaven. It seems like yesterday. I love each of you and I know someday soon I’ll come see you, or you could come to Santa Barbara. . . it’s kinda magical here. Peas out!

Lunch at Whale Tail Deli today always good and the outdoor seating is awesome. You get to look out over the whole of Arcada plaza. I usually go there for Breakfast (great burritos) but they have a decent lunch menu too, burgers, fries, grilled sandwiches and the staff is awesome! On Anapamu near Wells Fargo Bank

I had lunch at Opal today, great spot that i think people forget about. Kinda pricey but worth the money in my mind. I had a seafood salad (scallops, salmon, shrimp etc.) atop spinach and piping hot. Very yummy. $12.95 which i think is totally decent for a salad.
Mom had the Asian Chicken Salad, enormous, very tasty. And my dad had the Scallop special which came with some sort of israeli couscous. He said the scallops were delicious. Overall a great experience, took a bit longer than I would have liked but pleasant and will go again.

look at what i found my cat doing today, just totally chilling on top of an old pizza box..

So I have thought long and hard about what the heck i want my first blog to be about.  Am i really self-centered enough to wank about my life and expect everyone to care?  Or do I just write for me and not give a rats ass about who reads it?  But then why go to all the trouble to add pictures and links??

I think I am thinking about this way to much.  Well here is a snapshot of what I have been up to recently.  I am itchy as heck, apparently I am allergic to my emotions.  My hands and legs itch all day, no rash, just itchy.  I notice it happens every time I talk about my brother who I used to be very close to and have recently not been able to talk to.  First, the day he got out of his rehab center I had a severe panic attack.  I think I was so looking forward to him coming home and then he decided to move to Kansas City instead.  The thought of not seeing him again for a long time made me spin and have heart palpitations.  I have not fully recovered and now instead of panic attacks I just itch.  GREAT!?

I think my heart is just broken a little and I need to find something to do to occupy myself so I don’t have to think about it all the time.  Which is a great reason to start a blog, don’t you think?  (Not sure who I am talking to here)

Jenn and I went to Wahoo Fish Tacos on Wednesday for lunch www.wahoos.com . It was alright, not my favorite fish tacos ever, but it was fast and the service was AWESOME!! Great for a night out after a few beers.

For anyone who has not seen Kicking and Screaming (1995), not the Will Ferrel version, you are missing out. This is one of the best under-appreciated movies of our time. This movie got me through college, dating, friendships and many nights not going to bars since “i’ve already looked back on it in my mind, and I didn’t have a good time”
Go do yourself a favor and rent, no buy this movie right away.

i need a new cat, the ones i have now barf on everything. i need a new kitten like i need a hole in my head, but i can’t help asking eric to go look at them every weekend.

Hello World!