The Goodenough Blog

I came to the Midwest because I was going to give my brother a piece of my mind.  Who does he think he is anyway not returning my phone calls and emails?  I wanted to let him know that I was tired of his bullshit and that he needed to have a relationship with me or else! I was terrified to bring up the subject once I finally got here though.  I kept waiting for the right moment and then just like I knew it would, the right moment presented itself.  We were trapped in the car on the way home and I just blurted out that I had some things to talk to him about.  He said “let’s hear it” with an eager anticipation that I was hoping for but not really expecting.  He is so open to talk about his recovery that I was like, “oh crap, what have I done”.

What I did was not give him a piece of my mind, but listen to a piece of his.  I really feel like he is getting better and using healthy language.  His life is really hard and serious right now as he learns to conquer his addiction and build a new life.  He explained it to me as this really heavy trench coat that he has to wear everyday and some days he would like to take it off, if only for a moment.  But working on sobriety means wearing it all the time, even in 90 degree weather.  And so for now he must struggle and rebuild relationships with everyone in his life.

I explained that I really want a relationship with him and that I didn’t want to go another 2 years with the same relationship we have now.  And he said that he would make an effort to connect with me if I would make an effort to learn about addiction and recovery.  So I guess I need a book or to go to a 12 step meeting to let him know that I support and care about his recovery and his life.  I can’t say whether or not I’ll make it to a meeting but I can definitely read a book.  For right now our relationship is going to be a little one sided since his recovery is all consuming.  The way he talkes to me has very little grace, but I know that he is in a world of pain right now and that I can have enough grace for the both of us.

So I get a gold star for confronting my brother, for listening to what he had to say and deciding to make an effort to repair our relationship.