The Goodenough Blog

The past 2 days have been a blur of taking pills, itching, trying to find something to watch on tv and more pills.  I have taken so much benadryl if I gave blood right now, you could bottle it and re-sell it as benadryl.  Plus all the lovely steroids are making me puffy and anxious.  I can’t say that this is exactly what I had envisioned my time alone to be.  But I guess one good thing is that I survived a major medical disaster without Eric and I didn’t die.  How come he never has to go to the ER, why is it just me?  Why am I special?

Today I am trying to stay upbeat, but its not really working.  I am feeling overwhelmed and defeated.  Every time I think the hives are going away I find more.  I am unmotivated to to anything.  Homework, work work, I don’t even want to go to the farmers market.  I need exercise but my lungs are too shot to even attempt it.  I can’t even find a movie to watch, nothing sounds good.  Feeling kinda weepy too.  Not sure if that is the meds or just me feeling sad and frustrated.

Now I have to figure out what to do with my new allergist and all the meds he wants to put me on.  I really don’t understand what I am doing wrong.  I eat healthy, I exercise, I keep my stress to a minimum (usually) and I don’t take a lot of prescriptions.  What am I doing wrong?  And how is this journaling about my feeling supposed to make me feel better?  I’m feeling worse the more I write.

No one is here, no one is around to help me.  My parents are a million miles away as is Eric and my brother.  I have no friends here that I really feel close to or that I can turn to, to get me through.  Everyone is just an acquaintance or a good friend as I have now realized since Eric left.  I rarely see anyone besides my housemates and while they are nice and very glad to help, I don’t really feel like bothering them if I need help.  I am floating away like a tiny ship in a storm.  I just want to see land, any land that I can head towards.

So today I was so on top of things, I had run 5 different errands before 11:30. I went to the bank, to backyard bowls for some muslei, to UPS store then to the pharmacy and finally to the appliance store in Goleta, where I finally purchased my new washer and dryer. I had about an hour to spare before I went to Melody’s shower, just enough time to do my hair and makeup. Then I jumped in the car and zoomed over to Stella Mare’s and met all of Melody’s friends and family.

Shortly after arriving I started to feel itchy on my scalp and ears. Not too alarming at first, but then it started to itch on my face and armpits and I could feel my ears starting to get hot. I excused myself to the bathroom and looked under my dress and saw huge welts that we starting to form. Oh shit. I asked everyone at the shower if they had a benadryl, but no luck. I ran to the pharmacy and bought some and ran back to the shower to start having fun again! I met some really cool girls. At this point my eye starts to swell and I can feel welts on my face so I decided I should probably go home. I was so embarrassed and pissed that I had to leave early. I really was having a good time. I called my mom and started to cry. Why now, why when Eric is gone? Why does my body hate me so much? I am so frustrated with my health being out of whack. I just want to be healthy and normal.

samdi.
After another late night and a decent, yet interrupted sleep I am off to find some nourishment. I decided to hit the italian cafe again for a egg baguette. The atmosphere there is strange. It has this sort of, elderly New Yorker feel mixed with old italian smut cinema. You know the posters of the crazed woman holding a dagger on a ladder with a very chiseled man hanging upside down next to her. I tried to get into it for arts sake, but I just couldn’t.

After a quick chillout at home I decided to make the trip to the London Museum of Design. I decided to walk up to Holborn Station and take the Central line to Bank and then change to the Northern line to Tower Bridge and walk from there. Sounds easy enough, and it was. The tube was sweltering hot and there wasn’t a breeze to be found anywhere. Plus, it was saturday. Plus, it is a bank holiday weekend. Let’s just say I was sharing sweat with a few to many people. Of course, there were two exits when you get off at Tower Bridge, east and west. I, yes you guessed it, went east instead of west and wandered around aimlessly for a bit. I went against my better judgment and bought a map, and of course this didn’t help at all. London is so damn confusing. So I ended up asking a copper for directions and was back on the right path. The walk was nice, they really built up the river’s edge over the last 10 years. There is some great architecture and is really quite clean.
Once I arrived at the museum I was pretty hot and sweaty so I decided to chill outside and cool off for a few. £8.00 to get in wasn’t too bad. The exhibits were: The Brit Insurance Design Awards, Sustainable Design and Urban Africa. They were all pretty cool. Some of the design award collection was pretty inspiring. Overall, a decent experience.

I took a few snaps around the area and decided to attempt to walk back.
So I walked and walked and walked. I saw ton ton of London, walked mostly along the river, which sadly was not as cool as I thought it was going to be. Took me over 2.5 hours to get back, and I did it all with out a map. My strategy was, find the London Eye, take a right. I must admit I was very excited to walk around the corner and see Covent Garden market after walking for hours. It was good to do the walk in whole. I felt like giving up and jumping on the tube many times but I knew I would be happier if I kept pushing.

Since I was right there, I popped in wagamama and got some stir fry veggies and some soba noodles. I don’t think I have been that hungry in a long time. I went back home, fell on the bed and took a nap for a few hours.0

All in all it was a good day. A challenging walk, good design, interesting architecture, noodles. I still have yet to tap into the hard shell that is my soul. Tomorrow is a new day.

Adieu.

Doubtless, we’ve be through this

So if you want to follow me you should know

I was lost then and I am lost now

And I doubt I’ll ever know which way to go

-Broken Bells

Snarky,
Today I am feeling much much better. I went to lunch with Grace and had a really good time. I didn’t even miss you for like a whole hour. Although I did have your voice in my head as I was wondering around Anthropologie. Telling me not to spend money. I tried not to spend the money, but didn’t try too hard. I bought two shirts and a sweater and returned those jeans that made my hips look weird. You’ll like the cardigan…it has scenes of Venice on it. I need to go there.

Grace and I went to lunch at Arts and Letters and had yummy pumpkin soup. Can’t believe I never went there with you. So cute. We talked girl stuff and then I continued to talk girl stuff with Melody. Then I went to see Connie, she wants me to explore my spirituality. I said “what spirituality”? She wanted me to explain the Tao to her, I did not do a good job. It was full of…”well its kinda like this” and then “but really its like this”. I think I confused myself and her. ugh. So she wants me to spend Sunday looking for a church or reading or meditating or something. I’ll have to think on that one. Then I went to happy hour with Jenn at Enterprise, we had the WORST guacamole EVER. I don’t know what the heck they did to it but everyone that tasted it was like “barf”! And then I went with Jenn and worked out again, 2 in one day! I know, I’m amazing.

I decided to keep track of all the new things I am learning how to do now that you are gone. So here is what I have so far.

1. I learned how to get Max out from behind the armoire….thought I was going to have to leave him there till you got home, but no. We figured it out.
2. I ironed a patch onto my jeans, I’m not sure it will hold but so far so good.
3. I figured out how to reset the internet when it goes down…which it did all night.
4. I went to school and found my class all by myself. Not really that hard but still it’s new.

That’s all I got so far, but I’d say that’s a pretty good list.
Tomorrow I’m going to school, another new class. Gonna get my learn on.

8am is a time I never see, especially not in London. I must admit even though I am pretty jet lagged it was refreshing to be a part of the daily hustle and bustle of a London morning. Kamikaze cabs, vendors getting stocked up, the working folk in a near run to their offices, it was all rather strange and beautiful. The smell of the cabs took me straight back to 1996. Those feelings of wonder and awe, this city is not like my home town. I think the peculiarities are what make this small, cold island such an amazing place. It?s the khaki coats all the old ladies wear. The fact that it?s melting pot of every culture you can think of.

I was on an early mission in search of something healthy to eat. I made it a few blocks before the smell of breakfast lured me into a small cafe run by an italian man. There were fresh baguettes steaming in the window. What?s a boy supposed to do. I did however get a fresh jus d?orange to accompany my unhealthy delight. Must make a better effort for lunch. I have no will power to resist fresh baked bread whilst jet lagged.
The lack of reliable internet I feel is going to be a challenge to my patience and productivity. I am going to go have a chat with the apartment agency this morning to try to get this sorted out. Worst case scenario is having to move to a hotel, which is not an exciting thought. Having to fight with my over-packed suitcase down the 5 flights of narrow stairs isn?t something I want to endure for at least a few more days.

After a literal journey to the apartment office I come back to the flat exhausted and sweating like I never have before. It seems that I need a map, compass, a sherpa and a lot of patience to find anything this trip. I was wandering around based on the screenshot of the map that I had to email myself, no data on my phone here, to find myself lost once again. Add light rain, high humidity and frustration together and you get an apple fritter. Strike two on the whole eating healthy thing today. I finally found the place, which was not where it said it was, only to have to walk up 6 flights of stairs. At this point I find this ironic and just climb them. Panting and sweaty again, I get to their door, ring the buzzer and no one answers. I look in and the office is empty. I sit on the stairs outside the door to cool off and about 10 min later a group of people come up the stairs and let themselves in the office. Apparently there was a fire alarm. How awesome is that, not only was the timing perfect, but I was sitting in a possible burning building. The walk home was nice, although I ran straight into a trash can while looking in the window of a cool bookshop. The dangers of curiosity.

Time for a nap.

Getting woken up by the cheers and screams from a nearby crowd egging some street performer on to do something apparently very death defying is an odd experience. You can?t quite make out what is going on or where they are, so it?s quite surreal. But, that was probably a good thing since I can?t get in the habit of sleeping at night.
After doing a bit of catching up on email and some minor code edits I decided to find the nearest wagamama. What is a trip to London without the wag. Once again, I wander right on Henrieta St. instead of left. Sigh. But eventually I made it, grabbed the infamous
Yaki Soba and headed back to the apartment to actually get some real work done. And this is where I leave you tonight. Full of some good noodles and sipping on a decaf Via French Roast from Starbucks. Thanks Katheryn for the heads up. Not too shabby.

Until tomorrow. Adieu.

Snarky,
You have been gone exactly 1 day and already I want to pull my hair out!

The cats are buggin…still. I heard a few scuffles this morning before I got up. And then I let Max in our room so that he would avoid Puck and he then decided to crawl behind the armoire and get stuck. I couldn’t reach him and I couldn’t move the armoire, I figured he was testing me since you were gone. Finally I coaxed him out with treats, but his big ass got stuck about halfway out and he just sat there meowing so I had to reach in there and pull him out. What a fat ass. But that water stuff only seems to be working on Puck. Max is still being a shit head. He wants Puck’s house back and has begun hissing at me whenever I tell him not to go in there. Oy!

Hey Everyone…I’m Amber, the newest challenger for the 805 Challenge.  I am lucky enough to have the help of my amazing trainer Melody and Fitness 805 to help me reach my weight loss goal of 50 lbs!  I am really excited to be on this new journey and to see what my body looks like at the end of the challenge, it’s been a while since I fit into clothes that I like.

Like most people my extra 50 lbs did not happen overnight, but it was still a shock when I finally got on the scale and realize that I have let things go for far too long.  I started really packing on the pounds about 10 years ago when I got married.  I was so in love and didn’t really care what went into my mouth.  Then about 6 months after we got married we decided to start a business together.  We spent every waking moment working on our new coffee shop and had no time to cook so we ate fast food for almost every meal.  Popeye’s Chicken and Burger King were our favorites and since my husband Eric has the fastest metabolism this side of the Mississippi, he didn’t gain a pound.  Meanwhile every piece of fried chicken that I ate stuck to my thighs, stomach and hips.  The following year I had two close family members die, my sister and my grandmother.  Then all rules went out the window.  I didn’t care what I ate and I tried to stuff my feelings with food to ignore the grief and the sadness.  I ballooned from a size 7 to a size 14 in a matter of two years.  Not cool.

So here I am 10 years later, 50 lbs heavier and ready to get my life back on track.  I have a great support team in Jason at Fitness 805 and Melody and my amazing husband.  They are all cheering me on as I sweat and complain and work this big booty off.  Melody and I worked out this morning at Manning Park, I can’t tell you how fun it is to workout outdoors!  I always imagined that working out involved a gym and I have never been very fond of gyms.   But this is so fun!  Each time we meet she creates new workouts, using whatever is around us.  A tree, a rock, a pole.  She is like a fitness ninja!  I love it!  So stay tuned, I’ll keep you updated on my progress and we will do monthly weigh-ins so we can actually see the difference on camera.

Here we go!!

Woot!  It’s Friday, that means that tomorrow I can do whatever I want.  Ok so maybe I can do that any day.  But Saturdays are still fun.  Today I had a nice long time in the sun.  Got a little burned, not too bad.  But there is such a feeling of contentment here.  Like there is no where else in the world that I would rather be right now.  It’s kinda magical to feel that way.  It much much better than wishing I was somewhere else.

I had a nice lunch with Eric and South Coast Deli, yum!  Had a garden salad with tuna.  And then I went to workout with Mel, had a great workout, much jump roping.  I feel like I am going to really kick some butt this time.  I am really committed to working out 6 times a week, I have to be. Mel is making me try Bikram Yoga tomorrow.  Totally excited and nervous, really glad I have someone to go with.
Speaking of weight loss…I figured out today to be at a healthy weight for my height, I need to lose 60 pounds!!! 60 pounds!!! 60!!!  Not that it’s impossible, but good grief.  I really didn’t think I had that much extra weight on me.  Yikes.  But I signed up for the 805 Challenge, so I will need to work this butt off so that I don’t look like a dork on camera.  I have to weigh in on camera and let the entire world know how fat I am.  OMG!  I know this is going to be a good challenge for me and will keep me motivated.  I need the push and I think it will help me stay on my eating plan. So I think I am going to officially start tomorrow.

So here I am again, fat, tired and out of shape.  I got into such good shape last year, well, good for me anyway.  I lost 30 lbs and kept it off for most of the year.  Then Tahoe hit, I was lonely and stuck indoors for 6 months, a cocktail for disaster.  So here I am back in Santa Barbara and I have put on 10lbs from the 30 I lost.  1olbs isn’t the end of the world, but it ain’t pretty either.  I am starting to not fit into my clothes again, starting to give up.

But then it hit me, my life, my happiness and my husband’s happiness is affected by me not trying to get into shape.  I know it’s not impossible, I’ve done it before.  I guess I just needed my team back so that I can really hit this thing full speed.  I had a great workout today with one of my favorite people in the whole world, Melody!!!  And I’m in therapy again, once a week, yikes!   I think I need it though.  I am having a really hard time this week.  I can’t go into detail but lets just say Eric and I have been fighting a lot since we moved back to Santa Barbara.  He was doing so well in Tahoe, but I wasn’t.  I was starting to wither, like a flower, I needed more sunlight.  And now that I’m back and loving it, he is starting to get grumpy and sick.  Ugh!  I guess we just can’t win, not for right now anyway.

I am going to start keeping a log of my food and workouts since that’s what seemed to help me lose weight last time.  I want to keep it up, I want to get these fucking pounds off my body.  I want to fit into a fucking cute dress every once in a while.  Ok sorry about the potty mouth, sometimes I get a little carried away, and well, I enjoy talking like a sailor.

I didn’t really eat anything good for me today.

Breakfast-Acai bowl —yummmm!  Lunch– non-fat cottage cheese and a pita  Snack– Raw veggies  Dinner– Chicken salad with beans, salsa and cheese (oops)

Yesterday the sun finally came out for the first time in at least a week.  I begged Eric to get in the car and go for a drive so we could watch the sun set on the lake.  Beautiful ending to a beautiful day.

This is just near our house

I jumped out of the car before we made it out of our subdivision.  It was just magical.

Downtown Tahoe City

This photo was from inside the car on the drive through town.